Raise your hand if you've been personally victimized by online dating.
No doubt meeting people organically is challenging and nowadays the dating pool has seemed a bit rough. I'd bet that it feels weirder to strike up a conversation with someone at a coffee shop than it is to meet a stranger online (what's stranger danger?). Many of us have a deep-seated desire to meet someone; we're human, and we have an innate desire to find companionship! But, at what cost to our mental health?
Dating apps have been around for a while now and they don't seem to be going away. There is an app for just about every personality range, whether you're a farmer looking for love or a person in town for the night, there's an app for that.
As someone who works with individuals struggling with relationships (and a former user of these apps), I would argue that dating apps are designed to keep you swiping, leaving people feeling hopeless and discouraged. So, just how impactful is your dating app on your mental wellbeing?
What Does the Research Say?
According to a study by Holtzhausen et. al (2020), after surveying 437 individuals and tracking levels of distress through psychological assessments, 30% of these participants were actively swiping. The study showed that dating app users scored higher on the emotional distress, depression, and anxiety scales.
"Americans who have used a dating site or app in the past year say the experience left them feeling more frustrated (45%) than hopeful (28%)" (Anderson et al, 2020).
What's the Connection?
There is no denying that rejection feels crappy and with each swipe, there's an increased chance to be rejected. Denisson and Pronk wrote about "rejection mindset" in their article. Evidence showed that women are more likely to reject the options on dating apps such as Tinder. Evidence also showed a "decrease of satisfaction and perceptions of their dating success, which in turn accounted for the increasing tendency to reject potential partners" (2020).
So, Should We Ditch the Apps?
Not necessarily! Dating apps can be a great tool if you swipe responsibly. It can be a way to connect with like-minded individuals, stir up conversation and push you outside of your comfort zone. Try asking yourself a few questions before you hit the download (or re-download) button:
Why am I interested in online dating?
Do I want to meet someone or do I need to meet someone?
Am I being honest and genuine in my profile?
Am I mindlessly swiping or is there intention?
Am I dependent on the app or is it a resource?
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